


I held you like it was nothing (it was something)

by 9crimes



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, FWB!AU, aka the trope i will write every single time, future!fic, more like, so like, unrequited love that's totally not unrequited, we're having sex and we're in love with each other but we both think the other isn't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-02-15 15:14:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2233722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/9crimes/pseuds/9crimes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>4 times Bellamy and Clarke get caught, and 1 time they don't</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place a few years in the future, basically everything that happened in S1 happened and then they escaped the Mountain man because ~handwave-y reason and ended up going to the ocean where they set up a nice little settlement
> 
> Also this whole thing started because I fucking love Raven/Clarke and I really wanted to write Raven being pissed off at Bellamy on Clarke's behalf. And then it turned into this 6K (so far) monster and I didn't even write a raven/clarke convo, fuck.

Raven is the first to catch them.

Bellamy has Clarke backed up against a tree just a few hundred feet outside camp ( _Here, Bellamy, I can’t...I need you)_ , one hand shoved into the front of her pants, the other covering her mouth to muffle her moans ( _ohgodohgodBellamyyesgodyes)._ Her back is arched, her eyes shut tight as her head lolls to the side against the tree. When she tenses up and her eyes meet his in a silent scream, Bellamy lets his hand trail from her mouth down to her neck, circling it gently with his fingers and stroking her collarbone with his thumb as he steps further into her, his body covering hers. Her eyes shoot open even further at the new pressure and she grinds down into his knee as it nudges her thighs apart even more. His lips have been ghosting over hers since he took his hand off her mouth, whispering to her constantly ( _fuck yea, princess, like that. goddamn you’re such a good girl, fuck, so wet)_ but it’s not until her breath hitches a little as she comes for a second time that he kisses her.

It’s the kiss that breaks Raven out of her stunned silence. It’s intense, fire fighting fire and burning down the whole damn forest. Watching them together is…pretty hot, honestly.

 ‘Clarke’.

Clarke’s lips rip away from Bellamy’s, her hands immediately grabbing his wrist and pulling his hand out of her pants. She’s gasping for air and Raven can’t help but be a little amused by the panicked look in her eyes. God knows Clarke hates being caught in any type of vulnerable position. This? Pretty much her worst nightmare, Raven’s guessing.

Bellamy is less panicked. In fact he looks downright relaxed, stumbling back with his hands in the air and a chuckle on his lips as Clarke pushes him off her and adjusts her clothes, shooting him a dirty look.

‘Sorry to interrupt your little forest booty call, but some of the kids are looking for mommy and daddy to settle some stupid fight they got into. Probably heading this way any minute. Thought you’d appreciate the heads up’.

Clarke goes pale and rushes by her with a quiet ‘thanks’, refusing to make eye contact. Raven rolls her eyes and turns to face Bellamy, who’s started walking towards her, then promptly rolls her eyes again.

He’s blatantly staring at Clarke as she hurries away, the look on his face showing no signs of embarrassment or even the slightest bit of care that he just got caught finger fucking Clarke Griffin in the damn woods.

She takes a few steps forward until she’s in his space. ‘What the hell was that?’

‘None of your damn business, Reyes’. He moves to walk around her, but she pushes him back, hands on his chest, before he can.

‘Like hell it isn’t. Clarke is my…’

‘Your _what?_ Your ex’s girl?’ He turns on her and scoffs and she has never wanted to punch him in the gut as much as she does in this moment, because fuck him if he thinks she and Clarke are defined by Finn fucking Collins ‘I’d think you’d be happy – ‘

‘You need to shut the hell up before I kick your ass. Clarke is my _friend._ And if you’re just fucking around with her so help me god…’

‘What the hell is that supposed to mean’ Bellamy squares his shoulders and crosses his arms over his chest. He’s amping up for a fight, and Raven never backs down from a fight.

‘It means, you’re a jackass. I know you get off on making other people miserable, but Clarke has been through hell since we landed on this damn place and she doesn’t deserve to be sucked into your sick games and your little alpha male competition with Finn. Which has gone on for far too long, by the way’.

His top lip curls up, and oh look, seems she’s struck a nerve.

‘You don’t know what the _fuck_ you’re talking about. I am _not…_ this is not a game, ok. This has nothing to do with fuckin spacewalker’.

Raven has to laugh at that. There’s always been an underlying... _rivalry_ between Finn and Bellamy (there was a reason she chose Bellamy be her revenge fuck a few years back. She knew it would eat Finn alive), and the years have done nothing to change that. Finn and Clarke gave things a go for a while, but it ended six months back and Raven is pretty confident that what she just witnessed had something to do with that.

‘So what, you saying you’re into her?’

Bellamy lets out a harsh breath and looks away from her. His jaw ticks once, twice.

‘Oh my god. _You’re into her._ Jesus, Bellamy!’

‘ _No,_ I’m not…fuck this, this has nothing to do with you’.

Raven raises an eyebrow. Least convincing denial maybe _ever._

‘Look, if you and Clarke are such good _friends_ you’ll keep your damn mouth shut about what you saw, ok?’

‘ _Duh_. Ugh. Just make sure Clarke and I have patrol together tonight. I have a feeling she’s going to be avoiding me and we have some things that need discussing’.

Bellamy narrows his eyes and stares at her for a few seconds before giving her a quick nod and heading back to the camp.


	2. Chapter 2

When Miller catches them, they’re in Bellamy’s tent.

Clarke is on top of him, stripped down to just her bra (they rarely get fully naked together, because, well, _the kids)_.

Her head is thrown back, hands braced on his knees as he thrusts up into her, wild blonde curls falling down her back as her hips move in a torturously slow motion, if Bellamy’s frustrated groans are anything to go by.

‘ _Clarke,_ fuckin…shit, you’re killing me, princess’.

Bellamy bends his torso up to kiss her, and Miller decides that’s the moment to make his presence known. Bellamy is pretty private when it comes to shit like this, and given no one knows he’s fucking Clarke (Miller’s his right hand man now, if he doesn’t know _no one knows)_ he figures Bellamy wouldn’t take too well to being…well anyways it’s not like Miller was _watching,_ he was just caught off guard and…

‘What the _fuck_ are you doing Miller!’ Bellamy immediately rolls Clarke under him, covering her body with his.

‘Oh shit, Bellamy, sorry man I…’

‘Just get the hell out’.

‘Yea, yea I was going to…I swear, I wasn’t - ’

‘ _NOW!’_

When Miller is gone, Clarke immediately pushes Bellamy off her and stands up.

‘God Bellamy, you didn’t have to suffocate me’.

‘He was looking at you. I didn’t like it’. She rolls her eyes and starts pulling on her shirt, which, damnit. He really wishes she wouldn’t do that.

‘Save your misogynistic, over-protective instincts for your sister, Blake. I don’t need it’. It feels like a punch to the gut, but in a…good way? Like, that’s who Clarke is. She’s not really into possessive, jealous assholes. He knows that. Him? He’s a possessive, jealous asshole. It’s just another thing about them that _shouldn’t_ fit, but kind of does. It’s not like he’s ever going to stop being all those things, but he can admit that sometimes he could tone it down. And Clarke’s scowling and huffing when he lets that side get the best of him is pretty much the only thing that’s ever made him feel anything close to shame for it. So yea, it’s something that works for him. As for Clarke, if you ask him she could use someone being a little possessive every now and then. She works herself too damn hard, spreads herself thin trying to do everything for everyone. If she was his, he’d make sure these idiots at least let her get a full nights sleep every once in a while. If that makes him an asshole, then, whatever.

When she bends over to put her pants on, he comes up behind her, slings one hand around her waist, uses the other to pull her mess of blonde curls from her neck.

‘You’re right. Next time I’ll just keep fucking you, yea? That what you want, Clarke, give 'em a little show?’ She scoffs and probably rolls her eyes again (she does that a lot) and he can’t even blame her cause yea, he’s being an asshole. He clenches his jaw when she ducks out of his hold and pulls on her boots.

He wants to tell her to stay, pull that ratty ass t-shirt right back off her (now that he’s thinking about it, her pants are fraying at the hem, and he’s pretty sure one of her toes sticks out of her left shoe. He’ll organize a scavenging party at first light tomorrow, they found a few bunkers last time that they haven’t gone through yet) and show her why she should stay.

 ‘Where you going?’ is the brilliant line he comes up with and fuck, that didn’t come out sounding as casual as he was going for.

She doesn’t even turn around.

‘Um, Harper cut herself skinning that bear this morning. I was on my way to check it out when you…’

When he told her they had to discuss something then basically attacked her the minute she opened the flap of his tent. Right (he hadn’t had her in 3 days –maybe he was a little desperate, fuck off).

‘Yea. Listen, I set up a meeting with the distribution council, there was some trouble with rationing last night so we need to nip that in the bud as soon as possible. Sundown, we’ll meet here’. They both know what he’s doing. Bring it back to business, remind them of what their relationship is. They’re leaders, co-leaders, _whatever._ Point is, when they’re fucking, they’re not _them._ And look, if there’s one thing being on The Ground has taught him, it’s self-awareness. He’s not going to deny that he’s probably falling in love with her, that the pressure in his chest every time she walks away from him isn’t about lust or hurt pride. Thing is, he wants her and he’ll take her any way he can get her. And right now, this is how he can get her. A few stolen minutes in his tent (her tent…second level of the meeting house, a tree…where ever, really) where no-one is bleeding out, kids aren’t fighting over fuckin berries, and they haven’t discovered yet another settlement of survivors on earth who want to annihilate them.

‘Of course, I’ll be here. And Bellamy? Talk to Miller…I don’t want – ‘

‘Yea, I got it Clarke. He won’t tell anyone, I can promise you that’.

She meets his eyes for the first time since they were interrupted.

‘Bellamy. He’s the second person who’s caught us. Eventually…we’re not going to be able to keep someone quiet’.

The silence is loaded and he know what she’s trying to say without really saying it. Knows she’s right, too (she usually is. He’s gotten better about acknowledging it. Accepting it? Nah).

‘Would that be so bad?’ He kinda hates himself because fuck if that didn’t sound _hopeful._

She sighs his name and looks back at the ground, and jesus she’s pretty, so friggin pretty he can’t even look at her sometimes ( _fuck no, god, he’s not doing this, he’s not…)_

‘You’re right. We’ll be more careful. It’d be really embarrassing for you if everyone found out about us. What would spacewalker think, his innocent little princess getting fucked by the big bad dictator on the regular’. His voice is harsh and his words are cruel and it’s the opposite of everything he wants to be to Clarke.

She shakes her head and sighs a little, like she’s not even the least bit surprised he’s lashing out at her.

‘Bellamy, we’ve discussed this, Finn and I are over, we’ve been over for…’

He flexes his hands, suddenly feeling the urge to throttle something.

‘Yea, I don’t really give a fuck. Look I’m going to do some hand-to-hand with the 18’s, we’ll be at the training center if you need anything. We done here?’

The looks Clarke gives him is one he’s gotten from her consistently since their first day in this hell-hole: disappointment with a hint of ‘you could do so much better’. Only lately there’s a little bit of guilt mixed in, which he imagines is her saying ‘I’m using you for sex and I know you’re a pathetic loser and are falling for me, but I don’t see you that way sorry’.

When she finally leaves, he has to force himself not to turn around and watch her go.


	3. Chapter 3

    Finn doesn’t so much catch them, as he figures it out himself and interrogates Clarke in the med-bay. His timing is terrible, but what else is new with Finn.

Bellamy had taken a hunting party out the day before, so Clarke is running camp by herself. Which of course means the kids chose today to go insane. Literally insane. There was a break-up, and apparently it was really fucking traumatic because the whole camp has chosen sides. Best friends are now enemies, and the watch schedule she and Bellamy had carefully drawn up is shot to hell.

So excuse her if she’s not in the best of moods when Finn corners her after she’s set a pair of broken fingers (Fist fight. She didn’t even ask).

‘Look, Finn, what I do is none of your business, hasn’t been for a very very long time’.

‘It is if you’re doing _him’_ he’s practically snarling and she has to laugh because jesus christ, you’d think _she_ was the one who fucked someone else while her significant other was practically killing themselves to get back to her.

‘No, it’s not. Bellamy and I – ‘

‘Yo, Clarke! Bellamy’s back’ Miller sticks his head in the tent and she’s never been so happy to hear those words. He’s been gone maybe 24 hours but…well she just missed him is all.

‘We’re not done here, Clarke’

‘Actually we are. I told you, this is none of your business.’ She’s about to just walk out, but she’s Clarke Griffin and Finn is her friend, despite everything that’s happened between them.

‘Finn...I get that you’re… _concerned._ But you shouldn’t be. It’s not your place’.

He’s looking at a spot somewhere to the left of her head, and she just _really_ wants him to get this concept.

‘Because now it’s Bellamy’s?’ She wants to scream.

‘No, because it’s _mine’._

He makes eye contact with her for what feels like a long time but is probably just a few seconds.

‘Did it start when we were together?’ Ah, she thinks. There it is.

‘I don’t even know when it started, if I’m being honest’ and she does want to be honest. They’ve been through a lot together, and he deserves that at least.

‘But if you’re talking about the physical, um, relationship, then no. That didn’t start til a few months ago’.

He nods a little, and she thinks maybe that’s what he really needed to hear. There’s nothing much more to say, really, and she has…things to do.

‘I should go’.

She does.

 

She finds Bellamy right inside the main gate, already barking orders. He’s got at least 5 animal skins slung across his shoulder, still bloody of course. A knife strapped to his thigh, a rifle hanging over his chest, another knife in his hand.

She can’t decide if she’s completely appalled or weirdly turned on.

He sees her, and _hello_. He doesn’t so much look at her, more like drinks in every inch of her. He starts at her eyes and moves down, all the way to her toes, then back up to her eyes. It’s not lascivious, though, he’s just…looking at her. She’s still getting used to that, the way he looks at her, the warmth that starts in the pit of her stomach and spreads up until her face is flushed and she has to stop herself from taking a step towards him…

Someone calls Bellamy’s name, and he turns to answer. He claps one of the boys, Marc, on the shoulder, ‘Good job out there, that was a hell of a shot’.

Marc plays it cool, gives Bellamy one of those super casual ‘thanks, man’ nods. But when Bellamy turns his head, Clarke sees the smile that spreads across the kid’s face. 

She doesn’t allow herself this very often, doesn’t allow herself to just look at Bellamy and…admire him, really. He’s good at this, at what he does here. He leads with a firm hand, but over the last few years she knows he’s started caring. Always has cared, actually ( the whole reason he’s on earth is because of how much and how intensely he cares). Now, he’s not afraid to show that, doesn’t see caring as weakness anymore.

When Bellamy makes eye contact with her again, she simply raises her eyebrow and keeps staring at him. He flashes a truly unfair grin at her and looks pointedly at his tent, then back at her. She smiles and bites her lip and she feels more like a teenager now than she ever did when she was an actual teenager (which, ok, was like 2 months ago but whatever. Point is, sneaking around with a guy is not something she ever thought she’d do. Especially not with _Bellamy)._

When he disappears into his tent, she runs back to hers. She’s worn the same outfit for the last 5 days. It’s not like it actually matters, she’ll be down to her bra and panties about .5 seconds after she enters his tent, but still…after that little exchange with Bellamy she’s feeling kind of sexy and girly, which isn’t something she really feels… _ever_. So she’s going to take advantage of it.

She goes through her sparse collection of shirts, and when her hand lands on a pale pink tank trimmed with lace that she found in an abandoned bomb shelter a few months ago and immediately hid away, she hesitates for only a moment before stripping off her dingy t-shirt and bra and carefully pulling the tank over her head. She wishes she had a mirror, but then tries to comb her fingers through her hair and decides it’s better this way.

She puts on a jacket and heads to Miller’s tent.

‘Hey’ she says when she finds him. ‘Bellamy and I have a lot to discuss, we have to come up with a whole new patrol rotation. Could take all night. Make sure everyone knows not to interrupt us, anyone has a problem, you and Raven handle it, got it?’

‘Um, yea sure, but – ‘

‘Thanks Miller, gotta go, and remember _no one interrupts us’_

He’s sputtering something as she turns to leave but she doesn’t care. He’s always wanting more responsibility around camp, well, wish granted. Have fun. Don’t screw it up.

When she gets to Bellamy’s tent, she takes a deep breath before opening the flap. She’s not nervous, exactly, it’s just that she hasn’t seen him in a whole day (which, ok, sounds ridiculous. But it’s really not? They’ve spent practically every day of the past few years together. She’s kind of gotten used to having him around) and even before that, things have been a little weird between them since Miller caught them. Bellamy’s been weird, to be honest. She guesses that’s why she’s reacting like… _this_ to his attention. The teasing and smirking reminds her of how it was between them before.

She really wants it be like before. Before was…good. Really really good.

She runs her fingers through her hair a few times and pushes the flap open.

Bellamy is kissing her before she even gets past the entrance of his tent, his hands ( _ugh his **hands)**_ everywhere at once, finally settling on her ass and lifting her up as he walks her over to his bed.

‘Wait! I, um, just a minute’. She pats his arm and he takes the hint, letting her slide down his body until her feet are on the floor.

‘What the hell, Clarke’ he’s practically growling and _god_ his voice does things to her.

‘Oh, relax! I have a…surprise. For you’.

He makes a motion with his hands as if to say, _well get on with it_ , and she rolls her eyes because she should have known Bellamy Blake wouldn’t be a fan of surprises.

‘You just…sit on the bed. I’m going to go out then come back in.’ She grabs his shoulders and pushes him towards the bed, letting out a yelp when he pulls her down on top of him and kisses her. She lets him, for a few seconds, not hating the way he’s clearly desperate for her. But when his left hand slips under her jacket and starts heading north, she swats it away and pushes off him.

‘Ok, that’s enough of _that_ … _stay there’._ She holds up a finger in warning and can’t help but laugh when he crosses his arms and glares at her.

‘God you’re such a baby sometimes, ugh’. She says on a smile as she’s backing out of the tent.

‘I just spent the night in the goddamn woods with a bunch of annoying ass teenagers, what do you want from me’ he shouts after her.

When she re-enters, though, her hands are behind her back and she looks at him under her lashes and _yea_ , that’s what she wants, the way his posture changes immediately, his eyes darken. He’s still sitting on the bed, but he leans forward a little bit, his elbows falling to his knees. All his attention is on her, but she doesn’t feel pressured by it the way she does when they’re meeting with the various councils and they’re all looking to her for the answers. No, she feels empowered and excited and…just _good._

She decides to take that feeling and run.

Her pants come off first. Bellamy’ s hands are grasping at the blanket on his bed and the smirk on his face is the most satisfied, knowing smirk she’s ever seen.

Which is promptly wiped right off his face when she unzips her jacket. The removal isn’t as smooth as she imagined. Her left arm gets stuck and when she finally gets the damned thing off she just sort of…holds it awkwardly in front of her.

He’s silent through all this, adams apple bobbing, eyes practically glazed over, and then ‘What…what the hell are you wearing?’

She’s hurt for about 5 seconds, then realizes this is _Bellamy_ and he’s…not really a normal person who should be expected to respond to things like this the way a normal person would. And now she’s just annoyed, because god she was stupid to make such a big deal about this, they’re not a _couple_ and for a minute there she was totally acting like a girlfriend, wasn’t she?

‘Never mind. Just…yea, forget it’ She sighs and starts pulling the tank top off, so ready to just forget it ever happened. Bellamy’s good for that sort of thing.

‘No, no, shit…don’t’ He’s standing in front of her then, hands on her waist stopping her from taking the shirt off.

‘I’m sorry. That was… _fuck._ What I meant was…you only have, like, 5 shirts, and…I’ve never seen this one. So I was just surprised, or whatever’.

Clarke has seen this Bellamy before, unsure and insecure, stumbling over his words. It’s not that it’s anything new, but she still gets a thrill from seeing him like this (sometimes she thinks about their first day on earth, and she just…she’s thankful, is all. To be here, with him, with the others. It’s nothing she could have ever predicted that first day, but it’s her life and her home and her family and she’s _thankful)._

‘Yea, this is the first time I’ve worn it…I found it a few months ago, I don’t even know why I grabbed it when I saw it, I just – ‘

‘I’m glad you did’. His fingers are tracing long lines up and down her stomach, feeling the softness of the fabric, and he’s looking at her, like, _looking_ at her, and this is definitely more what she had in mind.

‘Yea?’ She rolls her shoulders back just a little bit, her chest swelling slightly, and watches his jaw clench.

‘Yea….it’s good’.

‘ _Good?_ ’ she’s messing with him, but she can’t help it. He’s just so _cute._

But then a lazy grin spreads across his face and his fingers are ghosting up a little higher, just barely brushing the undersides of her breasts, and she’ll never ever admit that she craves this, the way things are between them. The way they can turn the tables on each other with just a look and a barely-there touch (she knows exactly what she’d do to get him back to his stuttering and stammering, but then she likes him like this, too).

‘Yea, _good._ So fucking good, Clarke, shit…’ His hands are around her ribcage now, and she feels his fingers press into her as his words trail off.

His hair is falling in his face (she’s been meaning to mention that he should let her cut it again, but then he’ll run his hand through it when he’s particularly worried about something, or she’ll think about how it looks when he’s just come from a swim in the ocean, and she’ll just…forget. Oops.) and he’s leaning closer, until his lips are just barely touching hers. When he kisses her, finally, his hands never leave her waist. He grasps her pretty pink shirt tight in his big hands, then lets go and smooths out the wrinkles he made.

‘You’re so _beautiful’_ he whispers against her lips, and his voice is deep and rough and to be honest he sounds a little angry about the whole thing, but it sends a chill down her spine and she _believes_ him.

After he’s made her come twice (once with his hands, so slow and almost _gentle_ she has to put her fist in her mouth to stop herself from screaming; and then once with his tongue, fast and unrelenting, her legs clenched around his neck and her hands wrapped up tightly in his hair), he fucks her on his bed. It’s nothing like it was before, when they first started this weird Co-leaders With Benefits thing. It’s _so_ much better. He knows her body like it’s his own, knows where to touch her and when, remembers all her sensitive spots.

She never does get around to taking her shirt off.

When they’re both spent, completely used up by each other, limbs tangled up, he’s still kissing her and whispering in her ear all the things he wants to do next time that they didn’t get to do this time. Clarke’s eyes are shut, part of her so overwhelmed with sensation and exhaustion, the other part just wanting _more._

‘Bellamy’ she practically sighs his name when his fingers end up on her clit again ‘too sensitive, I need…’

‘Sorry, sorry, I just…’ he lets out a laugh, his forehead resting against hers. ‘Hell. I can’t fucking get enough, ya know?’ She just bites her lip and nods, because yea. _Yea._

‘Um, so I guess you like the shirt after all?’

He leans back a little at that, looks her in the eye. The way his head tilts a little to the left lets her know that he’s thinking pretty damn hard about what he’s about to say.

‘The shirt is nice, looks fuckin amazing on you. But I think it made you _feel_ pretty, yea?’ She flushes a little, but nods because he’s not wrong.

‘Well, that’s sexy’ he shrugs like it’s no big thing. And she supposes it’s not. It’s kind of a dichotomy, she thinks, how simple things can be with Bellamy sometimes, and then other times it’s _so damn hard._

They lay there in silence for a few minutes and it’s…nice. So of course she decides that it’s a perfect time to bring up one of Bellamy’s least favorite subjects.

‘Finn knows about us’ she’s sprawled across his chest with his arms wrapped around her, so she _feels_ the way his body tenses up.

‘How’d he find out’?

‘He…asked me. Just a few hours ago, actually, while you were gone’

Bellamy turns his face towards her at that, putting his hand on her cheek to guide her eyes to meet his.

‘You didn’t lie to him’ it’s more of a statement than a question and Clarke closes her eyes because it never even occurred to her to lie. She knows Bellamy tends towards jealousy and possessiveness, knows that he has it in his head that she’s stringing him along while still harboring feelings for Finn. It doesn’t make her feel guilty, though, just kind of angry (on her own behalf) and sad (on his behalf). The thing is, it’s kind of the opposite. It was when she was with Finn that this whole… _preoccupation_ with Bellamy began. She won’t say it’s the only reason she broke things off with Finn, but it was a factor (not that she ever thought anything like _this_ would happen. They’d grown into a really nice partnership, almost a friendship really. The more charged moments between them were easy to write off). She’s not sure he’d even believe her if she told him that though, and she’s not about to just lay her cards out on the table like that anyways.

‘Of course not. Why would I?’ He narrows his eyes at her, she rolls hers at him.

‘I told him the same thing I’ve told you a thousand times. What’s going on with you and me has nothing to do with him’

Bellamy snorts at that. ‘Harsh. Probably broke his poor little bleeding heart. He cry?’

It’s not really funny, but Bellamy’s mean streak has always kind of amused her a little bit. She can’t help but let out a little giggle and the grin he gives her isn’t horrible to look at.

‘I don’t think so. Actually I’m pretty sure he doesn’t really care, he just thought I cheated on him with you, or something’. He nods at that, like it makes sense.

He’s the first to get out of bed, telling her he has to go make sure the boys aren’t fucking up with the meat. It’s getting colder every day, and they need everything they catch to count.

She bites her lip as he walks around the tent naked, retrieving various articles of clothing.

His body is strong, _big._ He has more scars than he did the first time she saw him without a shirt on, scars that she knows very well. Not just because she’s spent the last few months memorizing and mapping them, but because she’s watched them heal, monitored them closely. She knows that the gash on his left bicep would have healed completely clean if he hadn’t been such a stubborn ass and just _rested_ for a day, like she recommended. He has a lot of scars like that, so much worse than they had to be because he couldn’t just _listen_ to her and take it easy for a change.

She has a sudden urge to pull him back into bed, to just…hug him, or something, and she really can’t believe she’s here, in his bed, wishing he’d come cuddle with her. Having crazy hot sex with him sometimes is one thing. Wanting relationship boyfriend things is a whole other…

‘Fuck’ he’s smiling at her from where he‘s standing in the entryway of his tent, which isn’t helping to slow down her internal monologue.

‘What?’

‘Just…you. In my bed’ the smile turns into a decidedly seductive smirk. ‘Any way I can convince you to be here, exactly where you are now, when I get back?’

She gives him a small smile, kind of loving the fact that she’s not the only one thinking relationship-y thoughts.

‘I wish I could. I should probably check to make sure Sami is ok’

‘Sami? What’s wrong with her?’ Clarke’s eyes get wide, realizing she hadn’t told him anything about the Great Tragedy that befell the camp while he was away.

‘Oh God I forgot to tell you…Roland broke up with her. It was a whole big thing while you were gone, kind of drove me crazy’. He puts his hands on his hips, a look of utter exasperation on his face that she totally gets.

‘Damn. We’re gonna have to draw up a new patrol rotation, aren’t we?’

Clarke sighs. ‘Definitely’

He mutters something that sounds suspiciously like ‘Goddamn kids, ruin everything’. Clarke doesn’t disagree.

Bellamy crosses the tent and drops a kiss on her lips, more of a peck really. It’s innocent and sweet and kind of domestic, the kind of kiss a man gives a woman he knows he’ll be kissing again in just a few hours.

When she’s checked on Sami and spent a few hours with her patients in the medbay, she goes back to his tent, to his bed.

She doesn’t ever really leave.


	4. Chapter 4

Octavia has kind of known all along. She didn’t _know_ know, but it’s one of those things that has always been an inevitability in her mind.

It’s not until Bellamy is lying in the hospital bed that he built for Clarke’s med bay that she gets confirmation.

He’s been like this for 2 days, drifting in and out of consciousness. Clarke hasn’t left his side.

Octavia has been assisting her for 2 years, and she and Clarke are pretty much experts at treating any number of wounds, working together seamlessly and efficiently. Clarke can pull a knife or a spear or an ax out of someone’s chest with her eyes closed by now.

But Bellamy doesn’t have an ax in his chest. He wasn’t wounded hunting or fighting another clan.

He just…collapsed. His body has seemingly given out on him and Octavia thinks it’s probably the scariest thing she’s been faced with since stepping foot on earth (and she’s been through some freaky shit, ok, so that’s saying a lot).

It started with a cold. Clarke had, of course, recommended that he take it easy for a few days and Bellamy had, of course, paid her no attention (‘It’s the dead of Winter, Clarke, of course I have a fucking cold. Everyone has a cold, jesus christ’).

Octavia didn’t realize how serious it was (or, more accurately, didn’t let herself consider the possibility) until she found Clarke packing 2 days rations and a gun, hair pulled back in a severe ponytail and eyes puffy from unshed tears.

‘Clarke? You’re leaving? What about Bellamy…’

‘I need to talk to my mother’. And that’s when Octavia knows her brother must be pretty bad off. Clarke hasn’t seen or communicated with her mother in over a year. Of her own very free choice. Long story short, they had temporarily settled with the Colony the Ark survivors had set up after the debacle with the Mountain Men. Bellamy was, of course, reluctant to agree to the terms set (and by reluctant, she means: yelling, cursing, and threatening of bodily harm, so basically Bellamy being Bellamy). Kane tried to have him killed, and Clarke discovered her mother had been in on it as well. So yea, the fact that Clarke is willingly going to her mother for help, and with something concerning Bellamy? Not a good sign.

‘He’s dying, isn’t he?’ Clarke pauses, and the look she gives Octavia chills her to the bone. She’s never seen Clarke look so young, she’s never seen Clarke look _scared._

When Clarke turns to go, Octavia runs after her.

‘How do you know your mom will even help? She hates Bellamy and –‘

‘I don’t. I don’t know. But it’s my only…I have to believe that she will. _I have to._ You stay here, take care of him, ok? I’ll be back by tomorrow night’.

She watches Clarke walk away, trudging through over a foot of snow, and she feels the oddest sense of relief. Bellamy has someone who would go to any measure necessary to protect him, to save him, the same as he would for them.

It’s all she’s ever wanted for him.

 

 

When Clarke returns to camp the next evening, she’s shivering and out of breath and Octavia really wants to hug her. But she has a determined look on her face, a look Octavia has become familiar with over the last few years. It usually means they’re about to save a life and _thank god thank god_. Bellamy hasn’t gotten worse since Clarke left, but he hasn’t gotten any better either and he hasn’t been conscious in over 24 hours.

‘We need to drain fluid from his chest’ Clarke says matter of factly, disinfecting her hands with Monty’s strongest moonshine and handing the bottle over to Octavia. ‘My mom thinks he has developed a pleural effusion, a complication of pneumonia. The fluid is probably infected, so we need to work fast’.

The operation takes less than an hour and when it’s over Octavia feels helpless again (she hates feeling helpless, it was all she knew for 16 years). She and Clarke are sitting by him, one on each side. Octavia is holding his hand, but Clarke is just…staring. As if she’s willing him to open his eyes and look at her. They always did have that sort of relationship, challenging each other at every turn, always trying to get the upper hand. She thinks again about what Clarke did for him, how she’s taken care of him with a sort of desperate diligence.

‘How did you get your mom to help you?’ Clarke doesn’t move for a few seconds, maybe a minute. But then her hand is on Bellamy’s face and Octavia is not usually one to feel bad about prying but something about the way Clarke is touching him seems so intensely private, it’s uncomfortable.

‘I told her…she knows he’s important to me’. In another moment Octavia thinks she might have scoffed, rolled her eyes, made some sarcastic comment about the understatement of the century, or something. But in _this_ moment, Octavia just nods. While it might be over simplifying things, it’s the truth. Bellamy is important, to all of them. When she looks over, there are tears running down Clarke’s cheeks.

 

 

Bellamy wakes up the next morning (‘What’s a guy gotta do to get a goddamn drink in here?’) and Octavia feels the pressure in her chest that’s been building since he fell unconscious 4 days ago finally lessen.

‘Hey big brother…welcome back. Took you long enough’. He scowls at her but his hand is in hers and he’s holding it so tight it almost hurts. She doesn’t care.

When his eyes scan the room and the scowl on his face relaxes into something like disappointment she can’t help the smile that plays on her lips.

‘She fell asleep, I moved her onto one of the cots in the main room. Clarke, I mean, that’s who you’re looking for right?’

‘Nah, ‘s good…whatever. I remembered her being here, last time I woke up, so I thought – ‘

‘Bellamy?’ Clarke is standing in the doorway, eyes still red from crying the night before. When she practically runs to his side, Octavia tries letting go of Bellamy’s hand but he just holds on tighter.

‘Princess’ he says, voice scratchy and rough from not being used for 4 days. ‘I told you, it was just a cold’.

Clarke punches him arm (lightly, but with enough force that Octavia can tell she’s not completely stable yet) ‘You’re so…you’re an _idiot_ Bellamy Blake you really are – ‘

Bellamy lets go of Octavia and touches Clarke’s wrist. ‘I know. I know’.

They sit there like that, just looking at each other. Tears are welling in Clarke’s eyes again and Octavia thinks that if Bellamy was strong enough he’d definitely be wiping them away. Instead, Clarke uses the hand that Bellamy isn’t holding to wipe her eyes with the back of her hand. ‘You must be hungry, I’ll go get – ‘

‘No, stay with him. I’ll go. Your boys caught a wild pig, Bell, you would have been so proud. Be back soon’. After she’s kissed Bellamy on the cheek with a whispered ‘I’m so glad you’re ok’ she walks out, leaving them alone.

 

 

When she returns with water and smoked meat, she pauses behind the curtain that serves as a door to the surgical room of the med bay. Clarke is lying next to Bellamy, his hand in her hair and her fingers drawing small circles on his chest. They’re whispering something to each other and Octavia strains her ears to hear what they’re saying.

‘Octavia said you went to your mom…why did you do that?...pretty stupid –‘

‘Bellamy…I know we agreed not to contact them unless we talked about it first but – ‘

‘No, I’m not…I get it…I just…why?’

Clarke looks up at him, a small smile forming (it’s the first time Octavia has seen her smile in 5 days). She lifts her hand to his face, stroking his hair out of his eyes and running her hand through his hair until she’s cupping the back of his head, pulling him down closer to her. Bellamy sighs contentedly as his lips touch hers.

Octavia knows instantly it’s not a first kiss, much too familiar and comfortable. She thinks she should probably walk away now, but Bellamy is so different like this. He never had any real girlfriends on the Ark, at least none that he brought to their quarters. She knows he slept with a few girls in those first months on earth, but this is…just different. That sense of relief is back, relief that he has someone to love him and care for him the way he’s loved and cared for her his whole life. Relief that it’s Clarke, who she trusts with her life and the lives of pretty much everyone around her. Relief that something good came out of being sent to Earth, after all.

‘You know why’ Clarke whispers, her forehead resting against his and her hands on the back of his head.

‘I love you’ Bellamy says. ‘I thought I was dead, when I woke up the first time. I thought I was dead and I’d never get to tell you’. His voice is low and still a little scratchy, but he says it with confidence and bravado.

Clarke is shaking her head, crying again, and Bellamy’s face drops so fast Octavia wants to roll her eyes. So _whipped_ already.

‘You ass, you’re such a…god you’re such an asshole!’ Bellamy’s mouth has dropped open and he’s about to say something when Clarke puts a finger to his lips.

‘I just sat by your side for 4 days, I walked through a goddamn _blizzard_ to talk to my estranged mother because I was so worried about you. The person who had to watch the other person almost die gets to say I Love You first, it’s some sort of unwritten rule! I know you’ve read the novels, you cannot tell me you don’t know how this is supposed to go – ‘ Bellamy cuts her off with a laugh and a kiss and ok yea Octavia feels a little weird being here now. She slowly backs out of the door, smiling all the way.

She runs into Jasper, literally runs into him, as she’s leaving the med bay.

‘I heard Bellamy’s awake, is it true? Is he ok? I wanna see him –‘

‘Oh he’s ok, he’s great actually’ Octavia smirks ‘Come on, you owe me a backrub and Monty owes me a bottle of the good stuff’

‘What the hell –‘ Jasper’s confused face turns up into a smile and then he lets out a loud whoop.

‘That’s what I’m _talking about_ Boss-man! Hell yea!’ Octavia laughs and laughs, pulling Jasper with her, whooping and cheering all the way to his and Monty’s tent.

 

 

 

When Bellamy is well enough to be moved out of the medbay, Clarke officially moves into his tent. She doesn’t even try convincing Octavia (and everyone else for that matter) that it’s just so she can monitor his health and make sure he doesn’t push himself too hard.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He prides himself on being able to read Clarke’s mind in bed just as well as he can in every other area of their lives. Sometimes he thinks that’s why it’s been so good with them from the beginning, that they spent so long in each others’ pockets before they started fucking that when they did it was just second nature, the natural progression of things. The intimacy had already been there, it just took on a new manifestation. Point is, he’d made it his business to learn Clarke Griffin inside and out from the minute they landed on the planet. Sex isn’t any different.

They’ve been together 6 months now and Bellamy is still kind of blissed out by the whole thing. The way he loves her, and even more the way she loves him, isn’t something he ever thought he’d have, especially not after the disaster that was those first days on earth. It’s more than he thinks he deserves (though Clarke will fight him tooth and nail on that) and more than he ever hoped for.

Some days, though, he misses the sneaking around.

Today, for example.

Clarke has been spending long days and even longer nights in the medbay, training 2 of the younger kids as medical assistants on top of her regular Healer duties, and Bellamy has led 2 consecutive hunting parties over the last week.

They haven’t fucked in 8 days.

He’s standing in the entry way of the medbay, leaning on the tent post with his arms crossed over his broad chest, watching her and Octavia sterilize scalpels.

When Octavia looks over her shoulder and smirks, he smiles and nods his head towards the tent’s exit. She laughs, puts her hand on Clarke’s back as a goodbye, and heads out.

When she’s gone Bellamy pushes off the tent post and ambles over to Clarke until he’s right behind her. He puts his hands on her hips and she rests her head on his chest automatically. He breathes her in, content for the moment to just be close to her.

“Hey” she whispers into his neck. He smiles into her hair and squeezes her hips, pulling her ass against his dick, making his intentions very clear. She laughs at that but snakes a hand through his hair to bring his lips to hers, and he feels a rush of adrenaline as he realizes she is just as desperate for this as he is.

The kiss starts out slow and languid, like so many of the early morning kisses they’ve shared these last few months, but when he bites at her lower lip she opens her mouth for him fully.

He moves one of his hands from her hip to her stomach, lower, lower, until his fingers brush her clit and _hell yea_ this is what he wants, the way her breath catches, the way she closes her eyes and tilts her head back when he places open mouthed kisses on her neck, her hips moving with his fingers. Then she tears her lips away and grabs his hand.

“Not so fast” she says teasingly as she turns and pushes him back til his knees hit one of the cots and he falls back onto it on his ass.

She’s on her knees and unbuckling his pants before he can get the upper hand on the situation and _fuck_ he loves her so much.

This is a thing for them, fighting for control and dominance when they fuck, and he usually gives it his best shot…but damn it’s been 8 days and just the _thought_ of her mouth on him has him breaking a sweat.

 _“Jesus Christ,_ Clarke” is all he can get out when she swallows him whole as soon as she gets his pants down. She stays still for a second, until he wraps his hands in her hair and pulls a bit. Then she’s sucking him, her hand stroking at the base and playing with his balls and his eyes roll into the back of his goddamn head.

She knows exactly how he likes it, knows exactly how to stroke him in time to the rhythm she sets as her head bobs up and down, her lips swirling around the head of his cock.

He was pretty much ready to bust a nut the second her lips touched him, so when he opens his eyes to see her with her hand (the one that’s not jerking him off) down her pants, rubbing her clit, he’s pretty sure he actually yelps. Clarke giggles around his dick, which is all kinds of interesting. He tightens his grip on her hair and pulls her up, the way her teeth scrape against him as her mouth is pulled off his cock sending a jolt of pleasure-pain through his whole body. He bites into her lower lip in retaliation and wonders briefly just how rough this is about to get. When he opens his eyes and sees the blissful shine in hers, the satisfied smirk on her face, he has his answer.

Bellamy takes control then, instantly recognizing from the way her body melts into his that she wants him to. He prides himself on being able to read Clarke’s mind in bed just as well as he can in every other area of their lives. Sometimes he thinks that’s why it’s been so good with them from the beginning, that they spent so long in each others’ pockets before they started fucking that when they did it was just second nature, the natural progression of things. The intimacy had already been there, it just took on a new manifestation. Point is, he’d made it his business to learn Clarke Griffin inside and out from the minute they landed on the planet. Sex isn’t any different.

He tries not to smile when she lets out a soft but incredibly enthusiastic ‘ _yes_ ’ as he lifts her with little effort. He stands and lets her slide down his body, slowly, feeling every inch of her against every inch of him. When her feet hit the floor, he starts stripping her clothes off. He gets her shirt and bra off quickly but pauses when he starts pulling down her pants, a slow grin spreading across his face.

“Well well well Doctor” he teases, “no panties today?” Clarke shrugs her shoulders innocently and looks up at him from under her lashes.

“I didn’t have time to do laundry. I’m a very busy woman”

“Nah” Bellamy lowers his lips to her ear “I think you did this on purpose” he bites her ear lobe “I think you’ve been waiting for me, waiting for this”. She hums thoughtfully, bends her neck to the side to give him better access “you knew, didn’t you? What would happen as soon as I got back. And you couldn’t fucking wait. Wanted to be ready for me, didn’t you?” His voice is low and rough and Clarke tries to seem unaffected, but he can feel her pulse beating wildly underneath his lips as he places open mouthed kisses to her neck.

“I mean if that’s what you want to believe….honestly though I was making it just fine without you, I do have hands you know”. Alright, Bellamy thinks, he’ll play along. She wants him to believe that she wasn’t hard up for him the way he was for her? Fine. He’s not going to argue. What was that old earth saying, actions speak louder than words? Yea. He liked that saying.

He doesn’t say a word, just starts kissing his way down her neck to her collarbone, down her chest. He stops when he gets to the rosy skin surrounding her nipples, brings his hands from her ass to push her breasts together. He takes a nipple into his mouth, adds some teeth just like he knows she likes it. When her breaths start coming faster, echoing throughout the small room, he settles on his haunches and moves further down to her stomach.

 

“You sayin you didn’t miss this, doctor?” he’s smirking against her hip bone and he can’t help but laugh when she lets out a huff of impatience.

“Shutup” she hisses and tangles her hands in his hair, bucking her hips against him. He’s happy to accept her shoddy admittance of defeat and immediately pushes her up against the wall, pulling her pants down all the way and off, and settling down onto his knees.

He goes for her clit first, and it’s a goddamn dilemma because he wants to make her wait for it, knows she comes harder when she builds up to it. But he also just really wants to lick her clean, he wants to get his tongue so far inside her he can feel her clench around it, wants to devour her. Instead he forces himself to slow down, focuses in on the way her hips are moving in slow small circles, blocks out everything except her breathy moans.

He settles into a rhythm, fast flicks of his tongue followed by a few long licks. After a few minutes of that she bangs her head back into the rough mortar and brings a leg up over his shoulder and around his neck. He growls into her pussy, looks up at her from between her legs and just…loses it. Her eyes are closed, curls falling out of her braid and matted against her sweaty forehead, mouth open. She’s just…too much. Too goddamn much. There’s no control when it comes to this woman, no taking it slow, no teasing. He’s done with all that.

When Bellamy throws her other leg around his neck, lifting her up against the wall and standing up, his hands clenched on her waist to keep her balanced, she lets out a surprised yelp. It turns into a scream when he shoves his tongue into her. She lifts her hand from his hair to her mouth, biting down on it so hard he’s pretty sure she draws blood. He grabs her hand and brings it down between her legs. She nods her head frantically and starts rubbing her clit as he fucks her with his tongue. She bucks her hips and he digs his fingers into them so hard he’s sure there’ll be bruises tomorrow, but he can feel her pussy clenching and he knows that means she’s close, she’s right on the edge.

When she comes she doesn’t scream. It’s a Clarke Thing, she’ll scream bloody murder just from a flick to the clit or a little teeth when he’s kissing her, but when she comes she’s almost…calm. It’s fascinating and he wishes he could watch her come a hundred times a day.

After she’s come down from her high she looks at him and smiles, still a little drunk on it and looking absolutely wanton.

“Fuck me” she whispers “Now, like this”. He swallows and nods his head, a little disgusted with how goddamn weak she makes him but also aware that this is nothing new, she’s had him for much longer than he probably even realizes.

He lifts her, lets her legs fall from his shoulders as she slides down the wall. She clenches her legs around his waist and he puts his hands on her ass to support her against the wall. When she rolls her hips into him he groans and his forehead falls against hers, their eyes locking on each other.

“Come on Bell” she says as she reaches between them and pulls his dick out of his jeans, which are slung low around his waist, “I wanna come again. Make me come – “ He slams into her, and fuck it’s good. He doesn’t ever wanna go this long without feeling her around him again.

He doesn’t waste time with teasing, doesn’t even pretend to make it last. He sets a frantic pace and the more she digs her fingernails into his biceps to try to get some leverage so she can fuck him back, the faster and harder he slams into her. Eventually she gives up and grabs onto her own hair, eyes shut tight and head leaning back into the wall.

“Touch yourself again, come on, I wanna watch you, I wanna watch you come” He sounds out of breath and desperate but he can’t bring himself to care. She starts rubbing her clit again and is arching into him just a few seconds later with a satisfied sigh.

“Fuck I love you, I love you…Clarke, shit” he mutters as he feels her come around his dick.

When she kisses him and whispers into his mouth that she loves him too, that she missed him so much, that she never wants him to leave again, he comes so hard his knees buckle and he stumbles backwards. They end up on the cot, him on his back with her on top of him.

“Christ” he covers his eyes with his forearm when she shifts against him. His dick is still inside her but he’s pretty sure his balls are drained for at least the next hour. “You gotta give me some recovery time, doc”.

She sighs long sufferingly, “Fine. ugh men are so weak. I pity you, actually”. He barks out a laugh at that and pulls her down into a kiss. She settles into his side, head resting on his chest and his arm around her shoulders.

They sit in silence for a bit and her breath evens out until Bellamy thinks she’s fallen asleep.

“How was hunting” she asks suddenly.

“It was…alright, actually. I mean I would have rather been home with you, but it’s nice sometimes, spending time with the younger boys, teaching them shit. They’re fast learners” He knows he’s smiling, like an idiot, but fuck it. Clarke already knows what a softy he is.

“How were things here? How are the apprenticeships going?” Clarke nuzzles deeper into his chest and lets out a deep sigh.

“Fine. I’m glad you’re back. I’m so…tired” He drops a kiss onto the top of her head and pulls her closer to him.

“Sleep, then. You deserve it”.

“hmmmmm” she sighs. “What if someone catches us?” He snorts at that.

“Clarke, _everyone_ has caught us. There’s not a person in this camp who would be surprised. Sleep, baby, just sleep”.

She does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finished it! OK so it's just 2K words of smut but really what else were you expecting? Thanks to everyone who followed this story, it's my first multi chapter that I've ever actually finished! Hope you all enjoyed it, and thank you again for every comment, kudos, and bookmark!


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